yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
