Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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