While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
