Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
