I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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