They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
