you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
