For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
