we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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