i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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