Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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