I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
