I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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