I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
