Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
