I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
