forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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