please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
