Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
