Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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