He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
