goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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