I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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