I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
