got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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