You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
