her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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