Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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