it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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