I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
