I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
