that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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