I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
