somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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