I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
