I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
