I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's get the cat blown out
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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