would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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