the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
