im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
