you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
