it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.