Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before