you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
