i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly