i only shaved half my leg
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?