quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video