so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.