Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
