We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
