I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
