she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
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Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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