I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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