At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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