Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?