That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
