i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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