there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
