i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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