apparently the secret to your success is patron
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Floor bacon is actually really good
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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