he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
