This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize