Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ok first of all what the fuck
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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