I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
