I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
