just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
