just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
