i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
