this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
