Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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