all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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