walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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