sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
