It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
